I never thought
I could ever be this mixed on emotions. I witnessed a girl seizure when she had told me she took 10 antidepressants because her friends treat her horribly. I thought maybe she had been a little dramatic and was exxagerating the fact she took a lot of drugs. I still stayed with her and walked around with her, I even asked her if she needed me to call someone or to take her to a hospital. She said she’d hopefully be fine, and she was chugging this huge bottle of water. Suddenly she starts crying her eyes out and I’m wondering why, why her. She’s such a fragile little glass about to fall off of such a high beamed shelf. I held her as she cried and asked her if she wanted to go get some fresh air outside. We went to walk and suddenly, bam. She falls to the floor. She spazzes, she’s shaking uncontrollably. She hits her head hard on a wood table, I tried to prevent that but I ended up falling over. She was drooling and coughing up what looked like might be blood. Witnessing this made me so numb, so completely disconnected from the world. This poor girl was me last summer, and I didn’t even cry. I couldn’t, I just called 911 and sat on the floor trying to feel for a pulse when some nurse mother jumped on her and cops started surrounding her everywhere. A lady walked by and went ‘Oh what did thiz bitch do man why she on da floor’ and looked like she was talking to me, so I politely said ‘She had a seizure, it’s a long horrible story, just keep walking or the cops are going to freak out because there are way too many people around this area.’ She decides to belittle me and go ‘YO BITCH, YOU BETTA WATCH THA FUQ OUT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHO DA FUCK I AM, SHIT.’ and starts throwing herself at me. Some other ghetto kid was yelling too, so I just shrugged and walked away, and responded with a middle finger and a ‘are you serious?’
I couldn’t even believe that.
My night yesterday won’t stop replaying in my head. The ignorance of people.
It just keeps rewinding, I see the kid in me in her. The stupid selfish girl I once was last summer when I did something similar. I didn’t think of my friends one bit, I did it for self gain and now I look back in disgust. At how Liz and Rory must have felt when I was sprawled on the floor unconcious with 5 emts surrounding me with IVS and sodas and those stupid blood pressure things.
I feel sick to my stomach.
Oh, but today was alright. I got a really nice yellow hoodie from American Apparel. They opened one in Wrentham.
You fucking watch, all the scene wannabes and preps are going to be in that store this year.
Is there ever going to be a store where I can not have the same shit as everyone else in my town?
I’m not like screaming ‘I WANT INDIVIDUALITY’
I just don’t want the same boring trends as everyone else.
I want to just be me.
The goofy on the edge Punky Brooster I’ve always been known to resemble.
